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for the best burger in town - Port of Call
Port of Call is located 838 Esplanade Ave, 523-0120
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Where’s Da Beef N’Awlins?
Inspiration
comes in many forms. The Italian masters had their muses,
while others receive there’s from an even
higher power. But what about the divine touch of an ad campaign
that’s close to 20 years old? Well y’all, as
you’ve probably guessed, I can. It all started late
one night watching one of those throwback, kitschy shows
on cable that fondly reminisces about the Me Generation.
After properly paying homage to the wedding of Mr. and Mrs.
Pac-Man, the show began its next segment with the gravelly
voice of a hungry matron bellowing “Where’s Da
Beef?” as she disdainfully eyed a pitiful patty lost
amidst a sea of bun. Seeing that commercial again brought
back hilarious childhood memories of the “Where’s
Da Beef?” beef craze that swept the nation. I remember
every time I saw a little old lady at a fast food joint I
expected her to break into the same mantra. And I bet a lot
of ‘em did. Sadly, after its requisite run through
the American consumer’s psyche, the “Where’s
Da Beef” lady faded into oblivion… by the way
if I’m not mistaken I think the next cultural icon
was that weird Australian wrestler who jumped around in tights
screaming, “Energizer, Oi!”
Wait
a minute… oh, yeah, inspiration. Along with tickling
my funny bone for a couple of minutes that bit o’ nostalgia
unknowingly provided me with my own muse. See, I had been
looking to change things up, and after hearing “Where’s
Da Beef?” about 30 times in three minutes, I realized
I had it. I would find the beef for this poor woman. Now
grant it her burger days may be long gone, but I’m
sure there are others like her on the same quixotic quest.
And like I said, I needed a purpose (or at least a gag).
So that is when I decided to embark on this month’s
sojourn. I’m gonna ramble through the burger scene
in and around New Orleans in the hopes of bringing y’all
some of the best patties out there. Bear with me though… I
know I’m gonna leave some out. But drop me a line in
the forums and maybe you can help me answer that timeless
question.
Port
of Call
Rolling
down Esplanade Avenue (or sashaying if you will), it’s near impossible to miss the lines the crowds that
burst from the seams of Port of Call at almost anytime of
day. But once you make your way into the dimly lit, yet extremely
welcoming, cave they call home, you’ll realize what
all the fuss is for. Sliding into your table a massive menu
awaits, but the funny thing is there are almost as many drink
selections as there is food. Seriously, there are burgers,
steak, salads and baked potatoes. Oh yeah, there’s
also pizza, but anyone worth their salt knows it’s
sacrilege to order anything but red meat.
The
Burger:
Thick, juicy and smothered in a load of toppings,
the burger
at Port of Call is quite a sight. I get mine medium rare,
dressed with shredded cheddar cheese and mushrooms. The
lettuce and tomato are crisp, the cheese sharp and the
mushrooms o’ so delicious. But the real joy comes
from taking just a moment to behold a truly beautiful creation
just before you dive in and it begins to disintegrate in
your hands. Here’s a couple of things that stood
out: 1) The meat was cooked exactly as I asked, not too
pink and not too brown 2) The velvety smoothness of those
mushrooms mixed with the meat made for a head swimming
taste sensation 3) Eat the burger first, and eat it fast.
When I said it disintegrates in your hand I wasn’t
lying. The lack of a toasted bun keeps this thing from
holding up as well as it should (and the pound of toppings
doesn’t help either).
The
Sides:
Along with one of the tastiest, biggest burgers in town,
the traditional side at Port of Call has its own brawny
reputation. If done right, there are almost as many toppings
as actual spud. My podna’s favorite trick is to mow
through the burger, leaving any topping spillings from
that on the plate, and then flip the baked potato from
its tin foil housing, mash it all up, and dig in. Once
again, the presence of mushrooms and cheddar is a must,
along with some sour cream. The only disappointing thing
about this is the bacon… or should I say the Bacos.
Come on guys, how hard would it be to thrown in some real
fatback instead of that other molar-shattering soy product.
Price:
With
a total price of $12 after you’ve loaded everything
on the burger and ‘tater, Port of Call’s patty
is probably one of the more expensive ones in town. However,
if there ever was a burger worth that much, this is the one… so
far.
Overall:
Things
are gonna be a little different this go ‘round.
Instead of a belt scale, I’m gonna rank all the places
I’ve done at the end of the month. That way they’ll
be fresh and it’ll give you a roadmap for your own
burger hunt.
Next
Week… A burger that you can get almost anywhere,
and another one that will school you.
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