Unknown Food Critic

Search for the best burger in town - Ruby Reds and N'Tini's

Read other reviews

Discuss food with the Critic in the Forums

Part Four: A Blast from the Past and The Upper Crust

Ruby Red’s is located at 1525 Lapalco Blvd, Harvey, LA 70058 Phone:(504) 367-5496

Y’all ever have memories so vivid that once their triggered it feels like you jumped into the Wayback Machine and you’re stuck knee deep in nostalgia? I’m sure it’s not surprising but mine involves food. But it’s not any food mind you; it’s one of the eating experiences that defined my ever so sophisticated palate. It all started with a ritual, peanuts on dark, the floor, and a song. The ritual: A weekly Friday night sojourn down to the edge of the Quarter to a dungeon-esque spot that was accessible only by a walk down a long dark alley (or at least that was how it seemed when I was a kid). But once you made you’re way in, the place warmly opened up to the most unlikely of burger joints… Ruby Red’s.

Then there were the peanuts on the floor. I could not believe such unruly behavior was not only allowed, but it was encouraged. Finally there was the song: “Crazy” by Patsy Cline. Every week for about two years, my dad would play that tune and muddle his way through a warbled version as my mortified mother tried to crawl under the table. When it closed, we were crushed. Not only had we lost “our” spot, but one of the best burgers around had simply vanished. That is until about two weeks ago when I heard there was another Ruby Red’s on the Westbank. Desperate to both validate and disprove this place at the same time, I grabbed an extra dollar and hauled butt over the bridge.

Upon first glance, this place had nothing in common with my old haunt from years ago. The strip mall locale and neon lights had my spirits sinking before I even left the car, but as I got a little closer I noticed the sign, a somewhat bawdy, old-timey woman surrounded by the familiar font of Ruby Red’s. Things really got weird when I walked in. Just as in the Esplanade location, the grill was right up front, only it wasn’t raised. The paint scheme was just the same – dark reds and blacks in a dimly lit atmosphere. But most important were the intangibles: the audible crunch of the peanuts as you walked to your table and the head spinning smoky scent of burgers grillin’ up. They even had a jukebox in the corner. The thing was, I didn’t need to drop in any quarters because ol’ Patsy and my dad were moseying through a duet in my head.

Enough reminiscing, let’s see if this place lives up to its namesake. I ordered a steakburger with cheese and some fries. At first glance, this burger looks as if it should be the poster child for the prototypical hamburger. Seriously, the mounds of grated cheddar sit high above a “not too thin-not too thick” patty, all of which is garnished with crisp lettuce tomato and onions. Fear not though, this is not just a beauty contest. This Miss America’s got the answer to world peace as well as a great smile. Just before that first bite, you draw in the aroma through your nostrils and trigger your salivary glands for what is to be burger bliss. Then there’s the contact when you actually taste the perfect blend of well seasoned beef and sharp cheddar. They even managed to toast the bun a little, adding to the support and holding everything together. As far as sides go, the steak fries are fat and crisp, even if you wisely decide to add some cheese. And if that isn’t enough, don’t forget you’ve always got all the peanuts you can eat.

The prices at Ruby Red’s seem to be caught in the same time warp I stepped into. A couple of burgers and cokes ran about $12, a deal even when you add in the extra buck for the toll.

While Ruby Red’s may have been a trip back to the future, the final stop on this quest landed us on the upper crust of the burger world in what may be the fanciest burger joint I’ve ever eaten in.

N'Tini's is located at 3604 De La Ronde Dr, Chalmette, LA 70043 Phone:(504) 279-5340

N’Tini’s is in the heart of Chalmette, just about a 10 minute ride from the station and once you taste the burgers, you realize it’s worth the trip. I’d heard about this place from a number of posts on the forums that touted both the style of the joint along with the food. I gotta admit, I was a little wary when we rolled up. The giant martini glass on the outside didn’t immediately conjure visions of side-splittingly good burgers. Walking in didn’t help much either. It’s not that there was anything wrong with the place - in fact they may have the nicest servers I’ve come across – there was way too much polish for them to knock out a good burger… or so I thought.

My fears were quelled a bit when I began to peruse the menu consisting primarily of burgers and steaks. One interesting thing to note about N’Tini’s burgers is that along with ground sirloin, they add in a little pork for flavoring. So instead of my usual medium rare, I went for medium just to be safe.

Another interesting option was one I eagerly indulged in – the jalapeno cheddar bun. Actually, it wasn’t really a bun, more like squared, thick sandwich bread, but it did have a nice toasting to it. The burger itself was a thick, monster of a patty that had a unique, somewhat spicy taste along with the added punch of the ground pork. The rich burger flavor, combined with the jalapenos in the bread and the pepperjack cheese made for a very tasty treat. Speaking of treats, the side that came with this burger was the perfect sweet complement to all that fire. A baked sweet potato topped with butter and a cinnamon dusting was this burger’s sidekick and the creamy sweet potato eased any burn that came from the burger’s heat. While I do usually crave the massive loaded baked potato, this was a welcome change to the dining experience.

As far as prices go, N’Tini’s rides a little higher towards the $10 mark, but their “gourmet” burger presentation makes it bearable. And if that’s still too rich for your blood, head there on a Tuesday night when it’s two for one night.

Next Week: See where the chips fall as I hand out the rankings.

Read other reviews