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Forecast: Making yourself feel better about Saints chances

by Ralph Malbrough / Contributing Writer

Posted on January 7, 2010 at 12:17 PM

******

I’ve become a crazy person. Everywhere I’m looking for signs that the Saints will win in the playoffs. Oh look the traffic was light on the drive in to work which clearly is a sign Drew Brees will throw for 800 yards and 34 touchdowns next Saturday. I’m happy.

Then I learn the NFC Championship game is Sunday at 5:40 p.m. It means I’ll have to take off Monday from work. Could that be a good sign since it means I could party all Sunday night after the Saints win the NFC?

Or it might mean I’m so sad after they lose I’ll need 12 hours to get back to Houston because driving while sobbing tends to slow down a car trip.

Now I’m nervous again.

Like I said…..crazy and stupid.

I admit it but you know what’s even dumber then me believing my travel plans affect the Saints —those bizarre playoff statistics all the experts are screaming to help prove their picks are some how better than everyone else’s.

We all know the classics by now.

No team that has lost its last three games has won the Super Bowl. It’s totally true! Also, no team losing its last three games has cured cancer.

Bummer.

No team that has ever lost to Tampa has won the Super Bowl. The Saints and Packers are doomed!

Did you know no team that has lost to Tampa has had their starting QB go on to be elected President?

Losing to the Bucs crush both your Super Bowl dreams and any chance you have of flying in Air Force One.

Who knew losing to Tampa could be so devastating?

The last team to lead the league in scoring and win the Super Bowl was the 1999 Rams. 10 years ago is a lifetime. We didn’t even have I-phones in 1999. It was practically the Stone Age. The NFL has changed since but scoring a lot apparently is a road block to the Lombardi Trophy. So if not scoring makes you more likely to win the Super Bowl why are the Lions so bad?

Normally I’d laugh off these stupid random facts about the playoffs but the thing is right now I’m in such a fragile state of mind I swing wildly over what I think the Saints will do next Saturday and we don’t even know who they are playing yet.

If you are having the same problem as me what is the solution when you hear these playoff facts that ruin your day?

Straight jacket in a padded room for a week? Nope.

I looked into it but my insurance doesn’t cover it.

I came up with a much better solution; I’m making up my own playoff facts that prove and I mean PROVE the Saints are going to the Super Bowl.

Did you know the Saints haven’t lost a home playoff game in 17 years? How about that! Super Bowl is all but assured.

Not good enough?

Did you know teams whose coach’s house is ruined by Chinese drywall are undefeated at home in the playoffs?

That my friend is a STONE COLD FACT!

Guess what coach that is? Sean Payton.

Don’t you feel better already?
 
The games

Cincinnati (-2.5) vs. New York Jets: The only real question is, "When do you think Marc Sanchez will have his five interception playoff game?” It’s going to happen either this week or next week in Indianapolis.  But it will happen.
I think it happens Saturday and the Bengals win the absolute worst game of the weekend. It won’t be just because the game will be terrible. Nope, we will be subjected to Joe Theismann. Might I recommend the mute button, beer, and perhaps some Mozart in the background to sooth your head?
Bengals 5-2


Philadelphia (+4) at Dallas: I think Philly will win this game but I’m not sure. What I am sure of is this game will end in such a way that either the Eagles or Cowboys fans will be suicidal after it’s over.

When Wade Phillips and Andy Reid are involved in a playoff game it has to end this way. I can’t tell you how excited I am.

More good news is DeSean Jackson will probably look awesome and the media will hope right back on the Eagles bandwagon next week against the Saints.
Eagles 27-23

New England (-3.5) vs. Baltimore: FootballOutsiders.com says the Ravens were the best team in 2009. They used stats and math to reach this conclusion. I say they are wrong because Joe Flacco has a uni-brow and in almost every big game their receivers drop critical passes.
It will happen Sunday.
Patriots 23-17

Green Bay (+1) at Arizona: The fact that everyone picking the Packers makes me nervous but if the media can’t have Vikings-Cowboys then at least they’ll get Favre Bowl III. By the way, I know we would be subjected to so much Brett Favre and Tony Romo if the Cowboys win this week you’ll want to choke Favre with a pair of Wranglers. Still Cowboys-Vikings would be pretty cool. But only if the Saints win on Saturday, otherwise I’ll be in a corner crying. 
Packers 35-23
 
Ralph Malbrough is a Saints fan living in Houston. He hosts a weekly podcast at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/forecastradio. You can email him at ralphmalbrough@hotmail.com or find him on facebook.
 

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kittikat527 said on January 7, 2010 at 12:26 PM

I like it Ralph....remember......................... " You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose." ~Lou Holtz and John Heisler, The Fighting Spirit

reaganadams said on January 7, 2010 at 1:35 PM

A few Issues: 1. THE SAINTS ARE BANGED UP BEYOND REASON. Their injury list reads like a CASEVAC list after a Terror strike. IT IS RIDICULOUS. Somebody needs to get fired. 2. Reggie has been playing smarter and he SHOULD get more reps if PT cannot go full speed by game time next Saturday. Reggie leads the team in YPC average and has broken off a few medium to big runs this year. Why not give Reggie just a few more touches and runs? If Reggie is hot, stick with him. Mike Bell and Lynell Hamilton are also great options. 3. THE SAINTS ARE SO BANGED UP that they are NOT going to be 100 percent even with the extra week. WE NEED TO TAKE A FEW CALCULATED RISKS TO WIN. That means Sean Payton and Drew Brees had better dial up the best three games of their LIVES if the Saints are going to win it all. The Defense WILL HAVE TO GET STOPS or it will end badly. We all better scream our lungs out and PRAY. Our opponents will bring their A game.

kansassaintsfan said on January 7, 2010 at 3:10 PM

Way to go Ralph. I'm sick of the "expert" stats as well. and not once do they ever mention the injuries the Saints have had. Even in the loss to Carolina, they fail to mention that the Saints didn't play the starters. We're the Rodney Dangerfield of the NFL, but that's OK, because I think we have a great chance to prove them all wrong! I like the fact we're the underdog and the "team that care forgot". Go Saints!

nolabest1 said on January 7, 2010 at 5:29 PM

I BELIEVE I'll go with Ralph's way of thinking. Yes!!

jrc362 said on January 7, 2010 at 9:32 PM

Here's something that makes me feel better about the Saints chances; they were not blown out in ANY of their regular season games. Outside of the Carolina loss (which I do not really count) the largest margin of loss was 7 points to the Dallas Cowboys. The Saints have had chances to win in every game and they blew those chances in only two "first team" games. As for the other NFC Playoff teams, The Cardinals lost to the Colts by 21 points in Week 3, The Eagles lost to the Saints by 26 in Week 3 and by 24 to Dallas in Week 16 and Minnesota lost to the Panthers by 19 in Week 15. Only Dallas has a loss margin game that is close to the Saints, 10 points in Week 10 by the Packers. And of course, the Saints have more wins than any of these teams. I'm sure someone might try to tell me that these big NFC losses may have had extenuating circumstances, but I'm choosing to use these "stats" to buoy my optimism going into the playoffs. GO SAINTS!!!

crochunter said on January 7, 2010 at 10:53 PM

Ralph, did you know that no team named the New Orleans Saints has ever won the SuperBowl? And that I, too, have a uni-brow? I pluck it into equal halves though. Here's another stat: 89% of sports commentators pick the team with the longest win streak or the team who played really well for the past 5 quarters and make them the "team to beat". It's nauseating yet so predictable and it should give us great joy when the Saints win and make them question their manhood.

tfonz said on January 8, 2010 at 2:54 PM

I have the answer! Look dont be scared of the stats cause they dont compare. If they would say that "no other 13-0 team that lost all last 3 games" it would at least compare. Then they would have to say "no other 13-0 team who lost last 3 games and only started the second team in the last of the 3 games and sat their star quarterback," has never won the superbowl. Then it would compare. But the stat is saying teams like the old saints that lost last 3 games have never won the superbowl. No comparison it is not a parralell argument! My point is I bet none of those teams were either undefeated before the 3 lost games or none of them sat out their key starters in that last game because they had already clinched home field. Other then that it doesnt compare dont let it scare you. Then the other good news is no run stop Grant is not playing. Trust me saints fans that is good news and not bad. He cant stop a cutback to save his soul. He only pass rushes good because Smiths doubleteamed.

lisab333 said on January 9, 2010 at 12:47 AM

LOL! I love it! Thanks for the laughs and the much-needed reassurance :)