Dr. Eileen Palace, a relationship expert, was on the Eyewitness Morning News Tuesday to dispel several myths about sex that she says come up in her practice very often.
Myth #1: Sex gets worse with age – Sexuality has no age limit and there is no reason that your sexuality should decline as you get older. Many people have satisfying and happy sex lives throughout their entire life span. In fact, often they’ll say it’s better as they get older because they don’t have the responsibility of children getting in the way or jobs and they have more time for relaxation, so it can actually improve. Now, there are a lot of physical problems that can get in the way, so if you are having problems with your sex life, check into the underlying causes.
Myth #2: Low sexual drive for women is usually hormonal – No, women’s low sexual desire has many psychological, physiological and interpersonal causes, everything from their pharmaceutical medications to desire, problems with stress, fatigue, hysterectomies, c-sections, emotional and physical abuse, guilt, body image, religious conflicts, so hormones can be a factor, so that is a possibility, but don’t assume that’s what it is. Take a look at your relationship factors and psychological factors as well.
Myth #3: It is rare for a woman to experience sexual pain – Unfortunately, about 30 percent of women experience some sort of sexual pain. Most commonly that is because of a lack of lubrication, which can be because of lack of attention and time during foreplay, or more commonly following menopause and a decrease in estrogen that they call vaginal atrophy, which is a thinning of the walls so that penetration becomes painful. The other possibility is that younger women can have something we call ‘vaginismus’ – a spasming of the musculature so that penetration becomes impossible, and causes great pain and difficulty in the relationships. So, guys, if the woman is complaining of pain, it’s time to take a look into it and take it seriously.
Myth #4: Men’s sexual problems usually have physical causes – Not necessarily. There are many physical causes, like diabetes, cardiovascular issues, MS, prostate cancer, just like with women, there are a lot of causes, but, equally common are the psychological causes, such as worrying about your performance, which we call performance pressure, or performance anxiety, which is an extremely common cause of sexual dysfunction in men, and, unfortunately the two work together, as soon as you worry about it – distraction, low self-esteem, shut down communication with your partner, and even if it is a physical cause, the psychological cause can make it much more complicated.
Myth #5: If a man has ED, he cannot please his partner – I tell men this is a common theme I hear all the time from men. No, no, no. There is more to sexuality than just one person and one body part. Practice all kinds of repertoire of sexual behavior. There’s all kinds of things you can do – communication, affection, whole body caresses. Women will report that the most important part of sex is the connectedness, the affection, the attention, the caressing, the massage – with or without an erection - is not so important.
Myth #6: Women have lower sexual desire than men – No, in our culture we have the stereotype that men are insatiable sex machines and they want sex at all times and that’s not true. There are individual differences in every single one of us in our sexual desire but overall there’s no sex (desire) difference in men and women. A healthy man and woman will both desire sexual activity.
Myth #7: That size issue – It’s very hard on men’s self esteem. Data shows that compatibility is what’s most important. That is a good fit, if you will, that makes both partners comfortable and women will report that knowledge, skill, attention are much more important than size and the socio-biological data shows that there’s a correlation between who you are attracted to, how you like their smell, which is a phermonal attraction, their reproductive fit and finally, your possibility of reproductive success.